Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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