Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
