I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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