I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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