I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
