You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this boner is exhausting
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
