I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
