I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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