If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This can only be settled by a dance off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
