we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
