People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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