Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
