Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
