Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
