I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
