How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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