WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
