after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
