Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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