Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
