We won't sleep together?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
