So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
