you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
