I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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