Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
