$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
