I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
