you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
