drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You took a bar mat shot.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
