I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
