Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
