i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
