We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Pooping to opera.
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