no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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