so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
