Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
