yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
