dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
