just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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