I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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