half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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