My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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