once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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