R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
3 2 1 whiskey
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
