i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
