The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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