Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
