I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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