Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
