Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
tell me about the eggs
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