ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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