So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
