seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
