dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
